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Brandy
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« on: October 24, 2007, 09:15:19 AM » |
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I asked Bruce if he had any books I could read- or should read (this was really a silly question considering how many books he has). He started talking about this one book, historical fiction, and how great it is. He didn't know if I was worthy to read this book. I saw how many pages it was and determined I wasn't.
Then, as if a light bulb had come on, he said he knew what I should read. And went to the shelf and pulled this book out. I had seen it before and had heard him talk about it. And, after an e-mail I had sent to him, he decided this book was where I'm at (and it's true).
I have trust issues. In some ways, I'm good at hiding it. In others, not at all. So, I began this journey last night. I think I only read 6 or 7 pages, but I'm already struggling. Not because it's hard to read or understand, but because it's where I'm at and I can already feel a stirring deep inside. I don't think this is going to be an easy journey for me. Actually, I know it's not. Already. And I've only read 6 pages.
The part I'm struggling with at this point in the book (page 6) is that total trust in God means acceptance of His love for me. Or maybe total love for God is having absolute trust in Him. It's not that I don't trust Him. But to accept His love as He would like me to accept it is difficult. Who am I that anyone, let alone the Creator, should love me like this? And then to say that He delights in our ruthless trust- that's it's the ultimate form of love to Him? Ouch. How I must make Him feel.
If anybody wants to take this journey with me, that would be great. Because this is going to be a hard one to walk alone. But, maybe that's what I need to do...
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Michelle
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« Reply #1 on: October 24, 2007, 09:27:17 AM » |
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Sounds like a book I could use too. If you want someone to read it with you, I will. If you'd rather walk alone, that's fine too. Let me know, and I can see if they have it at the library.
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Brandy
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« Reply #2 on: October 24, 2007, 09:52:43 AM » |
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Well, considering how slow I'm starting out, I don't know if the library will let you keep a book out that long.  But, see if they have it and we can go from there. |
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Brandy
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« Reply #3 on: October 24, 2007, 10:02:49 AM » |
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Ooh. Nevermind. Think I need to go through this one alone. I don't know why, but that's what I'm feeling (you can still read it, of course, and we can talk about it, but this is a journey I have to go on at my pace).
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Brandy
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« Reply #5 on: October 24, 2007, 03:45:12 PM » |
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Yeah, it may take me awhile to read this one. I generally read a chapter (or 1/2 depending on how long it is) before I go to bed for any book I'm reading. I got through 6 pages last night and it's already a bit painful. Part of me is dreading this journey, and part of me is so excited to see how I'll come out at the end (under the assumption, of course, that I'll come out of it closer to God and a better person for Him, my family and friends... and for myself).
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Brandy
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« Reply #6 on: October 25, 2007, 07:44:22 AM » |
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Read the rest of Chapter 1 last night. On page 10, it talks about David and John the Beloved and references 1John 4:16a. I read on. 1John 4:18 kills me.
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Michelle
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« Reply #7 on: October 25, 2007, 03:04:52 PM » |
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I know...sometimes I wonder if it ever will be (before Heaven, of course).
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Bruce Blagg
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« Reply #8 on: October 25, 2007, 03:22:06 PM » |
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Yes, it can be on this side of Heaven.
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Bruce Blagg
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« Reply #9 on: October 26, 2007, 05:36:26 PM » |
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I wasn't saying that our lives would be perfect, but that it is possible to experience God's perfect love which causes our hearts to stop fearing his disapproval, to trust Him ruthlessly. It is an experience of His perfection, not ours.
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