I was reading a book not too long ago, and the authors stated in their introduction that they knew that they were very critical in many of their statements, but they asked the readers to overlook the exact words and tone and believe that fundamentally, in their hearts, they thought highly of and loved the people they were being critical of. At first glance, this seems OK. You know, "I may not be using the right words or tones, and it may seem I'm angry, but really I'm not. I really love you." But at a second glance, it doesn't make sense at all. If your words and tone aren't representing your heart, then why are you using them? Often we don't want people to judge us by what we do, but by what we intended or what we say we believe.